What even IS the 2018 movie "Welcome to Hell" ? Seriously what is it?
Because even calling it a movie is already pretty generous and kinda misleading!
Is this supposed to be a joke? This is a joke, right? And they where thinking: "How can we make the worst movie ever?".
Because actually, if they were going for that and were trying to make another one those "It's so bad it's good" movies (like "Birdemic" for example) they actually did a "good" job!
Because as a horror movie it's laughable and even most "trash" movies are better productions than whatever this is supposed to be. But as a complete train wreck, it's actually pretty "good" and I really don't mean that in any mean way, but I mean it as a genuine complement! And as such it's actually entertaining and definitely more entertaining than movies like Sharknado that try hard (and ultimately fail) to be "so bad it's good".
But this movie doesn't even need to try to be bad, it comes natural and I have to admit, it kept me entertained the entire time. It's like a good old fashioned murder mystery and it really keeps you at the edge of your seat. Only instead of trying to figure out who the murderer is, you are constantly trying to figure out if they were really trying to make the first truly worthy sequel to "The Room" (in which case they kinda succeeded) or if they were genuinely trying to make a "real" movie (in which case they kinda failed).
For example: Are they intentionally shooting scenes without any light to make the movie bad, or do they genuinely not know that you need light for a shoot? And do they have good and bright light in the next scene to make it intentionally inconsistent, or because they realized their mistake and are genuinely trying to improve? Are they shooting out of focus to the point where you think they must be putting Vaseline on the lens, to make the film intentionally bad or to make the film appear “artsy”?
And again, do they use various inconsistent (but equally bad) consumer cameras from 20 years ago to make the film intentionally bad or because they think that would make the movie appear "retro"? You just never ever know and so it's an endless mystery that is actually sort of fun.
With Birdemic and Sharknado, you know they were intentionally trying to be "so bad it's good", in which case it doesn't really work. But with this movie, you really can't tell, so they actually succeed at being "so bad it's good". So now I don't really know what to rate it, cause it really is so bad that it becomes so entertaining that I feel it would actually deserve a good rating, but I feel that by giving it a good rating I would actually hurt the film more than by giving it a bad rating (and it truly is a bad film after all). But as a "so bad it's good" movie, I would actually give it a 10 out of 10!
Also, I think I figured out why they called it "Welcome to Hell". It's because that's the only movie available on the streaming service down there...
Absolutely hilarious review! What you endure for your subs is truly heroic. You should be wearing full PPE and triple earplugs, or at least the psychically protective equivalents.